Happy 4th of July!!!

This holiday always reminds me of the story of the dependency that had an uprising against it's colonial master, fought a bloody six year guerilla-style campaign against them and only finally won it's revolution with the help of European money and the military might of one of the two superpowers in the world, who was looking to fight a proxy battle against their arch-enemy. A few years after winning the fight, the country placed their first leader into power--just shortly after even adopting a written constitution. They struggled whether or not to declare him a de-facto monarch, and named the newly formed capital city after him. And it happened in the new world. And which banana republic was this? The United States of America.

Tennessee Lands Soft-Commit from 8th Grader

In the news of the surreal this week, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports today that the 13 year old brother of Tennessee safety/hitman Eric Berry has 'committed' to Tennessee, telling Rivals.com that he intends to become a Vol one day. For obvious reasons, a school can't offer a schollie to a player until he's a junior in high school, but this didn't stop the 8th grade Evan Berry from being the first one in line for the class of 2014.

Immediately, Scout.com declared him a half-star prospect, which coincidently, is the same rating my last hotel in Paris brought. No word yet if the younger Berry's declaration was emailed, text-messaged, or written in a Blue Horse tablet. Also unclear is whether or not Lane Kiffin ripped off his own underoos in order to influence the decision.

Both Evan and his twin brother Elliott come from a strong football pedigree. Their father, James, played running back for the Vols under Johnny Majors in the late 1970s and their older brother Eric is currently an All-American standout at safety .

Although this may have been a spontaneous incident that grew legs, is anyone else concerned at all about the type of attention this is garnishing? They start scouting basketball players around this age, so is this what we can come to expect in football now? Certainly no one could deny the allure of the kid's father's and brother's alma mater, but does it have to become a national story?

1st and Five: Best Auburn Coaching Performances in the First Three Seasons

With so many people wondering how Gene Chizik is going to perform in his inaugural season, it helps to look back and see how well many of his predecessors have done. We at Auburn have been blessed with relative coaching stability. We had our coaching icon, Shug, who stayed for a quarter century, and we've had four coaches total stay on the Plains for a decade or longer. And ever since Shug took the reigns at API in 1951, the average tenure for a head coach has been 11.6 years, tops in the conference over that period. Compare that to the school to the west, or to perrenial revolving door LSU, who's average tenure for a coach since Charlie McClendon left after 18 years on the bayou is four years.

Many fans of other teams in other conferences talk about rebuilding. In the SEC, you come out on fire or you don't last long enough to rebuild. For the top tier teams, two years is all you get--three max.Something's gotta give, they say. Although most don't expect miracles in the first outing, you better be laying a foundation to make a run at something soon, lest you be running for the door. Since those first three years are crucial, today we look back at the top 5 performances in an Auburn coach's first three seasons, going all the way to the beginning. Missing are some of the more storied names in Tiger history: Heisman--who coached five seasons on the Plains, but only averaged four games a year. Jordan--the most legendary Tiger coach, who took a while to build a powerhouse. The rest of the names are going to sound pretty familiar, which is good commentary about how fast our contemporary coaches have come out of the box.



1) Pat Dye, 1983, 3rd season, 11-1: With a losing record his first season in 1981, Dye bounced back big time and erased all the pain of the Barfieldyears by giving Bear a proper send off and having a respectable 9-4 record, but the finest of his seasons was the third, where an improbable Tiger team only lost to Texas en route to getting ripped off for the national championship by Miami. Led by a gutsy QB named Randy and a punishing back named Bo, this team brought back a SEC title to the Plains for the first time in 26 years andestablished a precedent for three more in the decade. During my lifetime, arguably the first or second best Tiger team, in my opinion.

2) Terry Bowden, 1993, 1st season, 11-0: With Jay's fine article yesterday conjuring up fond memories with Baby Bowden, we'll always love him for his record breaking start, winning his first 20 games, an Auburn record. The best team you never saw, since they weren't on TV that year due to probation. You either saw them at the game, or listened to it on the radio. A total blue-collar team, lead by Stan White at QB and James Bostic at tailback, their best wins that season were against #5 Florida (the best game I've ever seen) and#12 Alabama, with Pat Nix pitching in relief for an injured White. Although not eligible for the SEC title game or bowl due to probation, this team finished #4 in the country, behind the one-loss-apiece trio of FSU, Notre Dame and Nebraska. Ironically, this team actually received more MNC votes (4) from lesser NC selectors than did the next undefeated Auburn team of 2004 (3).

3) Mike Donahue, 1904, 1st season, 7-0: Wow, what can you say about Mike Donahue, the Irishman who was Auburn's first super coach, who came out undefeated in his first season, paving the way for 17 more successful ones to follow, en route to the highest winning percentage of any Auburn coach ever? Under Donahue, Auburn was a SIAA powerhouse, and had victories against Clemson and Ga Tech that year, topped off by one against Alabama--our last victory against the Tide before the series was shut down 3 years later until 1948. It's also worth noting that Donahue's seven opponents that year scored a whopping 11 points.

4) Tommy Tuberville, 2000, 2nd season, 9-4: After a 5-6 record his first season, Tubs proved that he hadn't in fact left Mississippi in a pine box, pushing the upstart Tigers into the SEC title game for the first time since 1997 and erasing all the bad memories from the end of the Bowden era. After a mid-season slip-up to Jackie Sherril's MSU Bulldogs anda blowout by Florida, Auburn turned Amen Corner perfectly, squeaking by Georgia, then shutting out Alabama. After another blow-out loss to Florida in Atlanta, an uninspired team went on to lose to Michigan in the Citrus Bowl. But Tuberville proved himself in the rebuilding department, setting up the glorious run of 2004 after a few false starts in 2002 and 2003.

5) Terry Bowden, 1994, 2nd season, 9-1-1: Bowden's second season started where his improbable first one ended--on fire. Rolling up an additional 9 more wins in a row, Auburn was also eligible for post-season play. The best game of the year was the victory in Gainesville over Steve Spurrier's #1 ranked Florida Gators the biggest slug-fest of any game I've ever seen. But Amen Corner proved to be difficult as we bogeyed both holes, allowing Georgia to come back and tie us, and losing to undefeated Alabama in the Iron Bowl, a game which decided who would go to Atlanta. Bowden would follow with back-to-back 8-4 seasons in 1995 and 1996, and finally made it to the SEc title game in 1997. The next year, he was gone in a flash, about as quickly as he arrived. But we'll always have those first two years!

Everyone Hates a Literalist

Alabama Crimson Tide Shakespeare Festival Now Playing

The Alabama Shakespeare Festival's play, Bear Country, about the life of legendary Alabama coach Paul Bryant and the last days leading up to his retirement, is coming to Birmingham later this summer after a successful run in Montgomery earlier this year. The play has been a rare hit for the ASF, which has suffered along with other businesses in these lean economic times. Previously, they had to cancel Les Miserables due to poor ticket sales. But for Bear Country, tailgaters have even shown up before events. No mention yet if Nick Saban will perform a stint as guest director. Seems he's too busy trying to write his own comedy/tragedy in Tuscaloosa.

So considering the success that the performing arts have received from the infusion of Crimson Tide lore, I think the Shakespeare festival can only benefit if we succinctly write the Capstone into your normal Shakespearean fare. Bama fans, not normally known for their love of the classics, can't be spoon-fed this culture knowingly . We have to give it to them subliminally, by slightly altering the Bard's dialogue to include the Alabama football references.

So what we do is to take some of the more common Shakepeare quotes from all his great works and give them the delicate re-write that will make them fan favorites from Legion Field to Bryant Denny:



JULIO CAESAR:

"Friends, Bammers, countrymen, lend me your ears: I come to bury Tuberville, not to become finger number six!"

"Beware the national signing days that occur in March!"

"Et tu, James Willis?

"Cowards die many times before their deaths, but we only lost to Louisiana-Monroe once."

"Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war, and the recruiting limo stunt from your fingers..."



AS YOU LIKE IT:

"All the world's a stage, but none smell like the urine and bourbon of Bryant-Denny!"



HAMLET:

"To be or not to be, under NCAA investigation. THAT is the question..."

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be, especially as applies to player-provided textbooks."

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks. But can someone please give Collette Connell a ride home?"

"Give every man thy ear, and few thy voice, and you still won't be half the ear that Tuberville is."



TEMPEST:

"He that dies pays all debts, but still keeps his season tickets..."



KING RICHARD III:

"Now is the winter of our discontent, but we can start text messaging recruits after Christmas."

"A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! But only a buck twenty for Albert Means?



ROMEO AND JULIET:

"What's in a name? That which we call recruiting, at any other school, by any other name, would not pass the smell test."

"O Julio, O Julio! Wherefore art thou for thy sophomore year, Julio?"

"Parting is such sweet sorrow. We hardly knew thee, Tubs!"



KING HENRY IV:

"The better part of valor is discretion, of which Mike Price's strippers had none."



MEASURE FOR MEASURE:

"What's mine is yours, and what is yours is mine, but neither of us will get our $4 million worth."



MACBETH:

"Something wicked this way comes. NCAA probation..."

Air Force Sergeant Returns Home, Surprises Daughter With Homecoming

Wow. The look on this little girl's face is absolutely priceless.





And for a different camera angle and perspective, take a look here.

Best Closing Credits of a Movie Ever

I don't know what made me find this today, but it has to be the best bittersweet ending of a movie ever. And how they keep the camera on Rachel Ward for most of the credits, filming her reaction, is genious.

Rachel Ward never really got her due as one of the most beautiful women of the era, probably because she pretty much gave up acting to start a family after her success in this movie and The Thornbirds. 'Tis a pity!

And coincidently, this movie also contains the best car chase sequence in a movie, EVER!

1,000,000 College Football Fans on Facebook

While working on another thread, and being a member of one of those ever-popular 1,000,000,000 fans of a given CFB team, I decided to do a quick search on Facebook to see which teams might be closer to that lofty uno mil, mil goal that each team sets for themselves. A smathering of teams from far and wide and their members as of yesterday.

Michigan State: 34,447

Tennessee: 29,349

Michigan: 29,141

Ohio State: 27,743

LSU: 24,154

Alabama: 23,806

Florida: 22,763

Oklahoma: 20,477

Florida State: 14,928

Auburn: 14,551

Texas: 13,602

Georgia: 12,200

Notre Dame: 3804

GA Tech: 3028

Miami: 2331

USC: 1837

Clemson: 1727

1st and Five: Top SEC Single-Season Coaching Failures This Decade

Okay, you asked for it, you got it. After linking the thread about the top 11 worst coaching stints in CFB last week, most of you homers still wanted to talk about the SEC and SINGLE seasons. Never one to not capitalize on a good opportunity, (nor a good crisis) I present to you my list of the worst five single-season coaching disasters in the Southeastern Conference this decade (and century). And because coming up with 10 might be nit-picking gnat sheet out of pepper, I present it in the1st and Five format, so it is easily and quickly digested by all. And to be clear, to have a coaching failure, there must have been some scintilla of expectations present. Otherwise, we get back to that whole does a tree falling in the woods alone make a sound conundrum.



5) Mike Shula, Alabama, 2006, 6-7: Not everybody thought that the Tide would 'be back' for long under Shula, Sports Illustrated covers the year before aside. Alabama wasn't even ranked in the pre-season top 25 AP poll, despite coming off an impressive 10-2 season in 2005 where the Tide went undefeated their first nine games before tanking the last two conference games against LSU and Auburn. But the Capstone had hope, and this was to be the sink or swim time for Shula--either continue the winning or continue on his journey somewhere else. Also at stake was to break the spell against Auburn for Shula's first win against the Tigers since his playing days. Didn't happen. He lost his last three regular season games and his proxy, Joe Kines, lost the bowl game. End of the line for Shula at Alabama, as his firing lead to the susequent biggest manhunt in US coaching history.

4) Nick Saban, Alabama, 2007, 7-6: Okay, I swear I won't load this list up with Alabama coaches, but you have to believe that the aforementioned largest manhunt in US coaching history would come with some expectations, right? You simply don't double-down on a coaching salary and not think that good things are going to happen. They sold out the spring game. How can you not get up for the regular season? Actually, Saban didn't start out that bad. He won the first three games and six out of the first eight. It was the dropping of the last four regular season games that turned the season sour, including getting Croomed by Miss State, losing to Auburn for a sixth finger and the devastating loss to Louisiana-Mundane. After handing Saban the keys to the Crimson Kool-Aid Kingdom, many Tide fans were thinking about calling a locksmith.

3) Tommy Tuberville, Auburn, 2008, 5-7: Okay, the universe is balanced again now that we throw an Auburn coach to the wolves. And don't think he doesn't deserve it. Tubs had been averaging almost nine and a half wins this decade and had been coming up short with a return trip to Atlanta by only a hair. Auburn was a pre-season top 10 and expectations were very high with new OC Tony Franklin's new Spread Eagle offense. After all, it seemed to work in the Chick Fil A Bowl, right? Never mind that an offense so radical had never worked at Auburn, and wouldn't work that season, either. Tubs threw Franklin under the bus and eventually got thrown under himself, by either Jacobs, Lowder, himself, or all of the above. Even after having his fingers severed by Alabama in the Iron Bowl, Tuberville could have weathered the storm, but never got the chance--again, by reasons still unclear. Perhaps the biggest disappointmnet of the whole season was under-estimating Auburn fans' ability and desire to regroup around their coach.

2) Urban Meyer, Florida, 2007, 9-4: It seems a little strange to have on this list a coach with two BCS crowns in the last three years, but you have to take a closer look at the mystery meat sandwiched in between those MNC slices of bread. After going 13-1 in 2006 to win it all, Florida started 2007 ranked #6, looking for the first repeat of a BCS championship. A mid-season streak of two losses in a row to Auburn and LSU, coupled with a rare loss to Georgia, ensured that the Gators would not only sit home from the big dance, but from the SEC championship as well. And all of this was compounded by the fact that they were playing with the best player in all the land--Tim Tebow. Expectations were astronomical, but Meyer tanked it, punctuated by the lackluster loss to Michigan in the Cap One Bowl. Judging on how he rebounded from this season though, it almost seems worth it.

1) Phil Fulmer, Tennessee, 2005, 5-6: Starting the pre-season ranked #3 and looking to have their first SEC title since 1998, Tennessee was also looking to be the first BCS crown repeat customer. The wheels came flying off Fulmer's Purina chuck wagon somewhere in the middle of the schedule and it wasn't too long before Vols fans were in open revolt. After a close loss to Florida early in the season, Fulmer and company bounced back with a gutsy overtime win in Baton Rouge. After another conference win, they proceeded to lose four in a row, including a beatdown in South Bend and a devastating loss to Vanderbilt for the first time in 23 years--in Neyland, no less. Fulmer kept his job, probably under the condition that this never happen again, again.

Top 10 Things Mike Slive Said to Lane Kiffin in Private

From the home office in Atlanta, Georgia, and just in from today's SEC meetings, where the commish publicly warned all the kids to stop the jabber-jawing, tonight's 10 Ten Things Mike Slive told Lane Kiffin in private:



10) "Listen, may I call you Kiffykins?"

9) "Do you shave your chest for those shirtless recruiting bits or is that Nair?"

8) "Al Davis called. He wants your self-respect back..."

7) "No, Saban is the short one and Spurrier is the visor..."

6) "I have no idea why Auburn hired Chizik either, but I rode in that recruiting limo down here and it is badazz..."

5) "I'm sorry, Fulmer WAS our double-secret enforcement guy, but you've only been here for 6 months..."

4) "Yea, Shane Matthews spoke his mind, but if you piss off Congressman Heath Shuler, you're f**k*d!

3) "What the hell? I think your name is tacked up at Florida Field more than Ben Hill Griffin's now..."

2) "So what's the deal with your hot wife?"

And the numero uno:

1) "One more outburst outta you, mister, and I'm sending a note home to your dad!"

SEC--ACC Fantasy Scheduler

It's no secret that no conference takes more crap about the strength of their out of conference (OOC) scheduling than does the SEC. It's to be expected, given the strength of the intra conference competition. We have plenty of high caliber teams to play without straying too far from Dixie. And it's no secret that the key to a future playoff might entail all BCS conference schools being required to play one or two OOC BCS teams each year, in an attempt to balance out inequities in scheduling that are found in every conference. With the thread two weeks ago about about teams we'd like to see Auburn schedule, I started to wonder about which teams in the conference actually do have a permanent game with a OOC BCS school. It's not as many as you might think.

In the SEC, the following rivalries qualify:

Florida--Florida State
Georgia--Georgia Tech
Kentucky--Louisville
S. Carolina--Clemson
That leaves 8 teams without one: Alabama, Arkansas, Auburn, LSU, Tennessee, Ole Miss, Miss State, and Vanderbilt. Notice a trend above? All the schools are from the ACC, with the exception of Big East Louisville. Country Cousins, indeed.

Let's take a look at the ACC: the three teams above are covered, but the only other ACC team with a OOC BCS rivalry is Maryland, who has significant history with West Virginia. That also leaves 8 teams left: Miami, VA Tech, North Carolina, NC State, Virginia, Boston College, Wake Forest, and Duke. With each conference sharing so much history and rivalry, it's natural to pair them up as dance partners in this big CFB hoedown, perhaps under the following terms:

Initially, teams will be matched together based on their historic rankings in college football--except where historic rivalry already exists.
Series term will be six years, home and home. This should be long enough to find out if you have sparks flying and a good rivalry. Then you rotate to play another school.
With both conferences participating in this round robin of sorts and with every team in the conferences now playing one OOC BCS game, perhaps a trend might develop with other conferences, facilitating a future playoff.
So, who we got?

Alabama--Miami: Every SEC team would probably want first shot at Miami, the one school we all would've loved to watch struggle to win so many MNCs in our back yard, but Alabama gets first shot. Florida would have a historical claim on the Canes, but they're tied up with that former girls' school from Tallahassee. (I wonder if the Gators would trade the Noles to us?)

Tennessee--North Carolina: A 31-game history exists between these two neighbors, but they haven't played in almost 50 years. Could everything old be new again? Try it and see!

LSU--VA Tech: A recent home and home in 2002 and 2007 showed the potential to be a really good series, even though I think a better matchup would be between VT and Auburn. We'll get our chance with the Hokey Pokies soon enough.

Auburn--Boston College: Actually, a 3- games history exists between the schools--2 pre-war games and the 1982 Tangerine Bowl win for us (was Flutie playing then?) Although we'd have to travel quite a bit every other year, can you think of any cooler venue than Boston in the fall? Me neither.

Ole Miss--Virginia: Absolutely no history between these two schools, so no better time to get something started. The Rebels have only ever played 19 games against ACC schools, so let's push them into the pool!

Arkansas--NC State: Again, no history whatsoever between these teams. Arkansas' old Southwest Conference affiliation pretty much kept them off the Atlantic coast. They've only played 8 games ever against ACC foes.

Miss State--Wake Forest: Isn't it intriguing that the bottom of the pack from each conference has virtually no experience in playing teams from the other? The Bulldogs have only played 28 games against the ACC and none against the school named Wake Forest that is no longer located in Wake Forest, NC.

Vanderbilt--Duke: Who didn't already have this matchup penciled in? The Caboose Bowl. These guys were made for each other like ketchup and french fries. As a matter of fact, I make a motion that we just go ahead and keep this game permanent. Seems both schools thought the pairing inevitable, too. They've played their whole 11 game series the last 22 years.



For what it's worth, if you remove South Carolina from the equation because they used to be a member of the ACC, the top 5 SEC schools in number of games against the ACC are 1) Georgia, 2) Florida, 3) Auburn 4) Tennessee and 5) Vanderbilt. Naturally, these numbers are skewed because a lot of the games were against Georgia Tech, who used to be in the SEC but is now in the ACC, and every game against them by a SEC team is considered to be against an ACC team by CFB Data Warehouse.

Top 10 'Pot-Stirring' Coaches

The Orlando Sentinel's College Gridiron 365 had a post recently about who they thought were CFB's best pot-stirring, trouble-causing coaches. Keep in mind, there might be a slight southern bias in this list, but they don't call them The Slantinel for nothing...


10) Jim Leavett, South Florida

9) Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State

8) Mack Brown, Texas

7) Dread Pirate Leach, Texas Tech

6) Rich Rodriguez, Michigan

5) Pete Carroll, USC: The original bare-chested recruiter. sports hasn't seen this kind of beefcake since a certain Spartan squad in 300.

4) Urban Meyer, Florida: With recent tiffs involving former Gator QB and current radio host Shane Matthews, along with comments about Auburn's recruiting limo (justified) not to mention being on the receiving end of jabs by Lane Kiffin and Steve Spurrier, Corch Meyer seems to be about everywhere these days, and could be considered a pot-stirrer just by association.

3) Mark Richt, Georgia: The choir-boy pot-stirrer, doing it behind the scenes. Not sure why he's ahead of Meyer on this list. If we see yet another Black-Out or end-zone rush this season, he might deserve it.

2) Lane Kiffin, Tennessee: We haven't seen someone rush up the charts this quick since The Beatles landed in America in 1964. Like Churchill said, of Kiffin: "never before in the field of sports conflict have we seen so many, pissed off so much, by so few..."

1) Steve Spurrier, South Carolina: The number one pot-stirrer, for now and forever. Spurrier pioneered the field and can never be counted out to make it interesting. With recent remarks about Urban Meyer and the Notre Dame job, perhaps a certain resume in the Florida Field trophy cabinet is being crowded out by someone else's.


There's probably little doubt that the only reason Phil Fulmer is not on the list is the fact that he currently does not have employment in his chosen profession. And perhaps they give Bobby Bowden a pass because it's not nice to pick on senior citizens. And you have to wonder where Nick Saban, Rick Neuheisel, Butch Davis and Les Miles are. Perhaps they at least warrant honorable mention?


For what it's worth, my list, in no particular order, of coaches who tend to have the most even keel:

1) Frank Beamer, VA Tech

2) Jim Tressel, Ohio State

3) Paul Johnson, GA Tech

4) Bob Stoops, Oklahoma

5) Bobby Johnson, Vanderbilt

Top 10 Ways You Know That Florida is Going Over to the Dark Side of the Force

From the home office in Atlanta, GA, todays top 10 ways you know Florida is going over to the dark side of the force (from Fanblogs)

10) Sith Lord gathering strength in Tuscaloosa...

9) OC Mullen banished to remote outpost, Starkvilletooine...

8) Sith Lord emeritus Darth Visor demoted to Darth Envious...

7) Must play LSU this year in Dagobah-Rouge ...

6) Gator recruiters now working Hoth and it's regions...

5) Typical Star Wars Awards Ceremony mysteriously cancelled after 2nd BCS crown this decade...

4) AD Ackbar: "It's a trap!!!"

3) EDSBS: Ewoks Definitely Suck Blogging Saturdays...

2) Percy Harvey clones knocked out of game too easy by good blaster at your side...

1) Meyer on Tebow's failure to win 2nd Heisman: "Force no longer strong with this one..."

1st and Five: Teams I'd Like Auburn to Schedule Now

Face it. With Jay Jacobs as AD, there are no gimmes. With the recent beat-down we've taken over his failure to secure UCLA next season, I guess we're left with nothing but a wish list for some strong OOC scheduling. And what a better topic for one of these threads. Simple enough. Give me your Top 5 games you'd like to see us schedule, either as a series or as a neutral site game. Par moi:



1) Miami: Call it payback for getting hosed by them in the final 1983 polls for the national championship. And because that wimpy Kickoff Classic matchup in August of 1984 didn't really settle anything, the convicts have been number one on my list for decades. Because they really have never had a serious rivalry with any team in the SEC. Because they were always tooo scared to join the SEC. Get a series with them! Jordan-Hare and wherever they play their home games now. We'll travel first!

2) Notre Dame: Come on! Aren't they on everyone's Christmas list? It's probably no coincidence that the two teams in CFB that I actually HATE are the first two on this dream schedule. Perhaps I'm just an equal opportunity offender, or I put my schedule where my mouth is. I know that the other team from Alabama couldn't beat 'em. or at least the Bear couldn't. Why not give us? Since they don't want to ever play the quality teams from their own backyard (Ohio State, 5 times in 122 years, Michigan, less times than they've played Georgia Tech), why not give another team from the SEC a shot? Worked for the Vols a few years ago. Maybe Urban Meyer will remember us when he takes the reigns up there...

3) Southern Cal: Yes, again. Until we get it right. Home and home. We'll start out there again. Should have gotten our payback in Miami in January 2005. I'll even listen to them play Fight On 800 times in a single game again. Hey, I had to sit in front of them in the 1987 Citrus Bowl, so that's no small feat. These guys have had tooo easy a time on their last few trips east. I give them their props though. Under Pete Carroll, they'll play anyone, any where, and they're not too demanding on the terms. I bet they'd play us again. This should be Jacobs' first call.

4) Texas A+M: I don't really like these guys, and no, it has nothing to do with Jimmy Sexton making up those rumors that Tubs was heading to College Station a year ago. Nor does it have to do with that beating they put on us in the Cotton Bowl in Bo Jackson's last game as a Tiger. It has to do with the creepy fixation and obsession that they have with main rival Texas. Maybe it reminds me of what Auburn might look like with Alabama had we not been able to hold our own in the all-time series. Texas has owned A+M over the decades, and the Aggies are pretty sore about it. Let's play them in a preseason game in the Sugar Bowl. That venue would keep the crowd around a 50-50 split!

5) Oregon: I really like the Ducks and their program, and I've never been to Oregon, so it might make a good road trip. Especially to Autzen stadium, where despite it's size, is supposed to get really loud. That and we just don't play enough PAC-10 teams in my opinion. Who do we think we are, Tennessee? Actually, as I've said on here many times, I've really liked the pipeline that the PAC-10 and SEC has had going on this decade. And since we've already played two teams from that conference in the last 5 years, let's keep it going. I could easily substitute Cal or Washington in there as well.



Let's hear yours!!!

Preseason Polls A'Plenty!!

WEA's gameplan at Auburn: 1) drink 2) talk to pretty girls 3) football 4) repeat if necessary


The Purple Tiger guys over at LSUfootball.net have put together a composite picture of the various preseason poll rankings that are coming out in order to give us a clearer idea of what the first AP poll out of the gate might look like. Yea, yea, I know. We don't exactly put a lot of stock in preseason polls, but it's fodder for the off-season, you know, to keep us hanging on. If you don't want to look at the link, we're tied for 38th.

But since Congress looks like it may want to start putting labels on college football, like the recent one about the BCS not being an actual national championship, maybe it's a good idea if they started putting warning labels on these preseason polls to protect uneducated fans from putting too much stock in them, kinda like Auburn fans did last year. Soon we may see some of the following disclaimers--just like the Surgeon General's warnings on packs of cigarettes--about what to expect from preseason polls:




Preseason polls are known by the state of California to contain controversy and no champions in the last 5 years...

Preseason polls contain 100% of the RDA of BCS conferences, and two at large mid-majors...

The consumption of raw preseason poll results, like shellfish, can induce food borne illness and barfing...

Expectant mothers should not consume alcohol nor preseason poll results as there is an increased risk in birth defects...

Preseason polls not manufactured in China are certified as 100% lead-free, but as a precaution, please do not place in mouth, especially alongside your foot...

Rankings in the preseason poll mirror may seem larger than they appear...

If you have an undeserved preseason poll result lasting for longer than 4 weeks, immediately call your doctor and your team's scheduler...

Other side effects of preseason polls include nausea, bloating and cramps, especially if you did a lot of talking to your friends about the results before an actual game was played...

WARNING: FLAMMABLE. Preseason polls may spontaneously combust and crumble into ashes. Do not reference preseason polls near an open flame or while smoking. Do not store where temperatures can exceed 120F, like on a SEC field in early September...

CFB Playoff Proposal Quietly Gaining Momentum in Congress

Last week in the US House, with little fanfare, two congressmen held a hearing to bring attention to the notion of changing the BCS format to become broader and more inclusive to teams not in the historically big conferences. Representatives Joe Barton (R-TX) and Bobby Rush (D-IL) lead the hearings designed to force not a tweaking of the current system, but a general overhaul designed to turn the BCS up on it's ear. Presumably, Barton, from Texas, has an axe to grind with the Longhorns allegedly getting hosed last year by being left out of their conference championship game. We might have to assume he truly is a CFB fan or a non-partisan politician because as a Texas A+M alum, it's hard to imagine him lobbying for anything favorable to the Burnt Orange. For Rush, perhaps he's just trying to ride the coat tails of another Illinois politician, President Obama, who has voiced concern on this subject.

It appears that the new angle they're working is the introduction of a bill in the house that would preclude the attachment of the phrase National Championship to any game who's participants weren't decided through the use of a playoff system. Taking a cue from Nick Saban's grandiose and often inappropriate comparisons of historical events and football, Barton compared the current BCS model to communism:

It is like communism; you can't fix it," Barton said. "Sooner or later, you are going to have to try a new model."


No word yet if it's going to take a Pearl Harbor or 9/11 type impetus to provoke this change.

Barton also told ACC commissioner and current BCS director John Swofford that he will aggressively push this bill if he doesn't see a serious effort begun in the next two months, which coincidentally, is the exact same interval it normally takes for teams to decide which cleats they're going to purchase for the next season. Perhaps the honorable Mr. Barton is unaware of current BCS agreements and conference television contracts that don't come up for a few years, leaving the best window for a 4-team playoff to arrive somewhere around 2013. But seeing how the government now fires CEOs of private companies and decides which employees of the same firms can receive what compensation, I am seriously not wont to doubt them at this moment.

And perhaps the most disturbing relevation in this article is either the fact that the Mountain West Conference has actually hired lobbyists in Washington to push through their version of reform, or their plan itself, which includes the scrapping of the human and coaches polls and the computer polls and having playoff participants selected by a committee of 12 individuals. Are you kidding me? Because 62 AP voters, 119 coaches and a few algorithmic programs aren't supposed to be as objective as a gang of twelve? Have they lost their ever-loving minds?

For those of us who do want to have a realistic playoff introduced as soon as possible, perhaps the notion of having Congress give a little jolt to the process may not seem like a bad idea, but when have you ever seen government pull out of something once they got in? Yea, that's what I thought. Just like budgets and spending never get cut, Congress dallying in events they have no business in can seldom be curtailed.

And from the home office in Atlanta, GA, today's Top 10 list of things we can expect from the federalization of college football:



10) $100 handshakes now considered to be taxable income

9) Similar to TARP recipients, coaching salaries now capped at $500,000

8) Two words: BCS Bailout

7) Recruiting limos now required to have DOT certification and fuel tax stamps

6) Stadium expansions now require HUD approval

5) Players reclassified as federal employees. They unionize and get workers comp benefits

4) Football conferences now headquartered out of closest Federal Reserve Bank

3) Bench-warmers and scout squad players eligible for unemployment benefits

2) NCAA disbanded. FBI now investigating all recruiting scandals

1) New Playoff marketing slogan: Games we can believe in!

Auburn A-Day Game Experience Can Now Be Checked Off My Bucket List

There's few things in my 24-season career as an Auburn fan that I haven't seen. I've witnessed bowl games, road games, SEC championship games, Iron Bowls in the hell hole of Legion Field, and the inside of most opposing SEC stadiums that matter, but I had never taken in a Spring game. Not even during my four spring quarters as a student. A-Day didn't compete with the Miss AU Tan contest, did it? Because now I know why it would have lost out. They probably don't even have that raucous event anymore, and it's a damn shame! Maybe I would get back to campus more often.

It was great to meet up with the people that did come out, although the logistics were a lot harder than I imagined. We Georgians caught 40 miles of construction traffic on the way down, which delayed us quite a bit, and poor Jay's brother caught an appendicitis, which almost hurt as bad as the traffic. Regardless, we had a great time at Loco's, at the game, and for some margaritas afterwards. Looks like LSU Jonno is marrying into the Auburn family, so we're stuck with him for a while. I think I scored us an invite to the wedding, although his fiancee specifically ruled out an open bar after meeting me.

So walking down from the parking lot on Donahue seemed like Acid Reign and I's own personal Tiger Walk, albeit with a few drinks in us and no one lined up to shake our hand. Tickets were abundant. A few scalpers had rolls of them, and they were lined up all along the way. After trying to get them to budge off the $5 face price, I realized that they were actually university employees. Those vodka tonics from Locos were kickin!!!

As advertised, we did sneak in some flasks. I was a little worried. After all, it had probably been 20 years since I snuck liquor into the stadium. My M.O. the last decade and a half was to get loaded before the game. I felt like a student again! Although security looked lax, I did have a plan if they frisked me and found my flask. I was going to immediately leave the stadium rather than surrender my booty. I was carrying a lot more than $5 worth of Bacardi, so I would have gone to the other side and bought another ticket from one of those university scalpers.

I don't know what we were thinking walking into the stadium right at kickoff and going through the 50-yard line tunnel expecting some seats to be available. All it gave us was the scenic walk straight to the north end zone. I bribed Acid Reign into getting cokes for all of us by ponying up the dough, but he and Steve didn't get back until the 3rd quarter, which basically defeats the purpose of sneaking in a flask in the first place. It also shows you that in addition to the defense being undermanned Saturday, the concessions staff was, too.

We sat in section 44, mainly in honor of Ben Tate, but because that's all the seats that were left. It must have worked, though, because he busted out that 46-yarder right as we sat down. Anyone with season tickets in section 18 better declare your loyalty before the season starts to either Kodi Burns OR Wes Byrum--for the 3rd year in a row. I used to think that was a big deal, but all it really means from a practical standpoint is that Burns will never be a holder for Byrum. Nor will Byrum line up in the backfield. Unless Caudle starts, or...Well, you get what I mean.

So what was the one big lesson I learned this weekend, other than it is possible to sit in close proximity to co-eds who are normally herded into the student section? It was that a program coming off a regime change isn't going to show you ANYTHING that opposing teams can prepare for all summer. If that was all that Malzahn had, then I want my money back. Of course, that wasn't all that Malzahn had. We didn't see half of it, and if we want to before the conference schedule begins in full in October, we had all better start watching Tulsa game film. Yea, it's either that or the fact that learning his dizzying offense takes more than three weeks.

And some other things I learned about A-Day this year:

That although we didn't have the clout this year to have our spring game carried by ESPN, we still had more than the Mississippi's so we didn't have to have it at NIGHT.

If I could figure out how the Byzantine scoring system worked during A-Day, I might have had the wherewithal to have stayed a math major instead of hopping to the College of business.

My decision 20 years to never again arrive on game day going down College St. from the interstate was truly a zen moment.

That if Jay, Acid Reign, War Damn Zach and myself were a game-day announcing crew, I'd be the sideline reporter.

And with the report from the cheap seats inside Jordan-Hare, back to you, Zach and Acid...

1st and Five: Things I Wish Would Make a Comeback in College Football

Two weeks ago, we had a thread about what we wished would disappear in CFB, which is easy, because everyone always has a complaint list that's three miles long. But now you're going to have to accentuate the positive and come up with 5 things that have vanished from the game that you'd like to see again--NOT a wish list of new innovations. These things must have already existed at one time.

1) The Wishbone: Not seen in major college football outside Lincoln, Nebraska in at least 20+ years, fans of a dedicated running game have seen passing attacks slowly erode into carries for decades. Call it another name if you wish--triple option, for example--but let's get back to running the ball more. We're not the NFL, and I don't care about being a farm system for their pro-style offense crap. I'd love to see this ball control offense strategy make a comeback.

2) Neutral Site Games: With the advent of the new inaugural game that the Georgia Dome has reintroduced, reminiscent of the old Pigskin and Kickoff classics, and with renewed vigor in facilitating OOC matchups, like FSU and Alabama in Jacksonville two years ago, the neutral site game may make a comeback with a vengeance. Slowly but surely, with greater pressure for BCS teams to schedule same in OOC matchups, neutral site games offer a compromise to the scheduling intricacies of a home and home. It's one game and done! The networks, especially ESPN and ABC, are leading the way in doing this. CFB can only benefit when the scheduling of these games is facilitated.

3. Alumnus Coaches: What does every single coach in the SEC have in common? None of their alma maters is their current employer. Same case with the ACC, save Randy Shannon, and probably 95% of the remaining FBS coaches. Almost an anachronism in this day of professional hired guns, the alumnus coach is a vanishing breed, especially in high-profile programs. Although I understand that having sheepskin from the institution that you're currently coaching isn't a prerequisite for success, I'd still like to see it make a comeback, if only for the novelty of it. Unfortunately for most schools, most alumni coaches just aren't qualified to take the reigns of their former program. Sad commentary, indeed.

4. The Tear-Away Jersey: Yea, I know the logistics of having multiple jerseys for every player on the roster would be a nightmare, as evidenced by a certain Georgia Tech QB on a Thursday night about a year ago, but if you ever saw one get ripped off Earl Campbell at Texas, you know what I mean. 'Nuff said!

5. The 3-Hour game: Darwinists have predicted that the current CFB will have evolved into six and a half hours by 2085. We can put a man on the moon, but can't get one hour of football with requisite commercials in thrice that interval? Three hours was long enough for Gilligan and the crew to get stranded on an uncharted desert isle. Why can't we get it done? I devote less time to sleep a lot of nights than I do to the average Auburn game.



Okay, let's hear yours!

Things That Could Stand to Vanish from College Football

So I was reading this article online today about things that are vanishing from the fabric of American society, what with changing times and moods and advances in technology. Virtually none of them on the list were a result of the recent death of capitalism in this country, but rather from the recession of tradition, or from the steady advance of progress and time. And not all were bad things. Some of it is waay past due. But it got me thinking, CFB is rich in tradition. It's been going for roughly 120 years, A.D. (Arrivus Dixielandus) and the status quo is very hard to upset. What parts of the game would I like to see vanish if Obama made me Secretary of Saturday Gameday? Hmmmm....

Byzantine Ticket Sales Process: Oh, God. Could I please just buy tickets on the open market like they were from any other regular business without having to inherit them first? I know that there are long wait lists for tickets, sometimes decades, and I know the true cost of them far exceeds the face value, but in spite of that, I still feel that the schools leave money on the table and they incite class warfare between the fans. A lot of folks just want to buy access to the program, and there's nothing wrong with rewarding loyalty, but ticket rights should cease when you quit drawing breath. Let's open up a few seats for the proletariat, shall we?

Independents: If there ever was a throw-back in this day and age, it's the college football orphan. I thought this went out in the 1970s. There's only three--Notre Dame, Army and Navy. All three have excellent tradition, but the trio seem caught in some sort of time warp that promotes this anachronism. You could just order the service academies to join a conference. and they'd say "Yes Sir" and off to the Big East they go. The Irish would be the problem. Everyone knows why they don't join, but intolerance for their disobedience is waxing mightily. Maybe insert some Draconian disincentives for them to remain independent, like have the government take over NBC and start renegotiating contracts?

Split Conference/Division Champs: this is the new cause celebre now that split national champions are so out of vogue. What? Split conference champions in this day of conference championship games? Why, yes. The Neanderthal Big 10(11) can still have split champ, as that misnomer might imply, and even the Pac 10, who plays a 9-game conference schedule so that everyone gets a shot at each other, technically declares a split champion in the face of head-to-head competition (although the winner will represent the conference in the BCS or Rose Bowl). As important as the conferences are to CFB and not all of them have a fair way to decide their winner? Inconceivable!!!

And don't think you divisional champs are getting away with anything, either. If you're in the SEC and you don't make it to Atlanta, you didn't win your division. You lost the tiebreaker, so take the banner down and sit your ass there, too. We have to end this feel-good crap and figure out who the winners and losers are in this world. No soup for you. Come back, one year!

Pre-Season Polls: There's almost universal agreement that these are a bad idea in so many ways, especially after years like 2007. I really hate using the word 'fair', but it seems that's something that's severely lacking with ranking the polls until you're about a month into the season. All those in favor say aye....

The Scheduling of Cupcakes for BCS Schools: Nothing carries more American Express Card type clout these days than being a BCS conference school, so why the hell not act like it? No BCS school should be allowed to schedule a FCS or lower team period. There's plenty of hungry FBS mid-majors out there who you can give a shot to, but if you're going to be BMOC, let's start to schedule like it. And every BCS team should have to schedule two other BCS OOC teams each year, but I'll have to save that for another list...

Boosters Behaving Badly: These losers are overgrown little boys with checkbooks and influence who try and buy their way to glory they couldn't come close to achieving on the field, and they ruin lives and sometimes programs in the process--their own and their rival's. I'm never one for creating more laws, but couldn't some of their shenanigans be covered under existing statutes, especially Federal law? Anyone familiar with RICO? No, not Suave. And BTW: apply it to slime-ball agents, while we're handing down indictments.

The Renaming of Stadiums and Fields in Stadiums: Okay, this one probably comes with me getting older and becoming crankier. Why can't the name just stay put? Did the stadium get married? I'm not calling it by the new name, especially if it ever is from some corporation (oh, you just wait...). Remember that earlier remark about the status quo? It's STILL Grant Field to me, not Bobby Dodd Stadium at Grant Field. Oh gag me. You get too many names and it starts to sound like a law firm. I'm probably the only guy who commended Georgia for not hyphenating Vince Dooley's name somewhere onto the Sanford Stadium moniker--and he's an Auburn man! (was, anyway...) Two names MAX for the whole shooting-match--field and stadium. Choose carefully...

And finally....

The Banishment of any Claimed National Championship before the AP Poll Debuted in 1934: I've written volumes on this subject, but few could argue to the contrary that the AP was the first usual and customary MNC selector out there to gain any sort of acceptance. And I'm all for including the later UP (1950) and UPI poll championships, in addition to the modern day coaches polls in the awarding of titles, but the revisionist history that permeates MNCs awarded before the mid 1930s has got to end. There has to be a standard. We all know that the NCAA doesn't actually sanction a NC in FBS, nor has it ever, but it sure would be welcome for them to set up some template to be followed. But we all know that they never will, and it might be another century or two before these old back-dated titles finally fall out of favor with CFB historians. Let it be written that WEA told them so...

TET Meet Up for A-Day Sort of Planned

Will someone PLEASE tell me how the scoring at A-Day works?


I'm pretty confident that the staff here at TET is going to try our best to assemble for A-Day on April 18th, so we can take notes on the team and sample a few of the Plains' best watering holes and basically try to worm out of Acid Reign how he remembers so damn much info 20 years after the fact. Since A-Day is not your typical game day, where family and friend loyalties usually dictate when and where you'll be tailgating, we think it might be a good time to try and have a little blog function for those of you out there who might want to meet up. Yea, I know, I certainly threatened to come down for one of those last dozen or so basketball games, but this is the real deal. Football season is upon us, and we need to get prepared!

Maybe it'll be good for the staff to get together and try to get on the same page for covering the new team for the fall. I know a lot of you are suffering from PTSD (Post Tuberville Season Disaster) and want to get fired up for the next one, and we here at TET owe you a good blog this fall. It's been slow ever since NSD, and we Barners can't subside on basketball alone. After getting rejuvenated during A-Day, there's something I will want to promise to the TET readers:

We here at Track Em were hoping for an undefeated blog, something that we've never done online. I'm sorry, Auburn Nation, but a lot of good will come out of this. You will never see any blogger in the entire blogosphere blog as hard as I will blog for the rest of this year, and push the blog team as hard as I will push, and blog, blog, blog.

No bloggers will compare Auburn as aptly to Alabama as well as I will, nor create as amusing polls as I will. Nor will they come up with funny top 10 lists about Alabama and accuse them of living in the past and loving the Bear as hard as I will. I will never fail to libel their 12 National Championships in a semi-respectful way, nor will any other blogger take reconnaissance missions to Roll Bama Roll like I do and take their vitriol. This I promise! War Eagle!:


So that's how I feel. If any of you want to, you can get that quote laminated at the AU Bookstore and post it on a wall outside Jordan-Hare. Sort of like this

But defintely NOT like this:





And lastly, with the sad news last week that former Auburn standout Harold Hallman's SEC championship ring was sold on eBay, comes news that another piece of Auburn memorbilia is going on the block: Tubs' house on Lake Martin. Otherwise known as The House that Jimmy Sexton Built.